Thursday, November 18, 2010

Artist's Dilemma

Artists create for a variety of reasons.... So for expression, some for fame and some for money.....
I make art for an entirely different reason! Other than wanting to be immortal (I have another blog post on that), I think I have a deep rooted psychological need to make art! To me, making art is to "being". I make art feverishly just to prove to myself that I can and that I am actually an "artist". There is a deep seated fear that I am not a "real" artist and that if I don't create every waking moment, I won't "be" anymore! See, making money is not as big a deal to me, as the fact that people actually like my art to the point, where they are dropping their hard earned money to own something I have made! That I am valued as a real "artist" and not an impostor!! Narcissism? Maybe! But this constant fear that if I don't produce, I will cease to be considered an authentic "artist" just makes me obsessive to a point where I even refuse to get a regular paying job.... All I want to do all day, everyday is to make art! To Be! Every time I feel insecure and feel I am losing my "self", I have to absolutely do something creative. I really have no other life..... I refuse invitations and make my husband go alone...... Whenever I talk to "regular"  people, I find that I have nothing much to say!.....This can't be healthy! Can it ? I wonder if all my fellow artists feel that way? If they feel alive and "be" only when they are working? I don't know. Is it?

2 comments:

  1. I agree with the money not being as important as the satisfaction of someone liking your work. But I don't have as much a driving need to produce. I am equally passionate about my Yoga practice and Cooking/baking.
    Or it could be that I need to be as passionate as you are to be able to be an Artist.

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  2. Joyita, we are all different and have different outlet to express ourselves! You do it through different things..... You are an artist, who also has other outlets! I am an artist who chooses to have all my emotions expressed through art and writing! But mostly through Art! That does not make you any more or less artist..... Just a different one!

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