Thursday, November 18, 2010

Artist's Dilemma

Artists create for a variety of reasons.... So for expression, some for fame and some for money.....
I make art for an entirely different reason! Other than wanting to be immortal (I have another blog post on that), I think I have a deep rooted psychological need to make art! To me, making art is to "being". I make art feverishly just to prove to myself that I can and that I am actually an "artist". There is a deep seated fear that I am not a "real" artist and that if I don't create every waking moment, I won't "be" anymore! See, making money is not as big a deal to me, as the fact that people actually like my art to the point, where they are dropping their hard earned money to own something I have made! That I am valued as a real "artist" and not an impostor!! Narcissism? Maybe! But this constant fear that if I don't produce, I will cease to be considered an authentic "artist" just makes me obsessive to a point where I even refuse to get a regular paying job.... All I want to do all day, everyday is to make art! To Be! Every time I feel insecure and feel I am losing my "self", I have to absolutely do something creative. I really have no other life..... I refuse invitations and make my husband go alone...... Whenever I talk to "regular"  people, I find that I have nothing much to say!.....This can't be healthy! Can it ? I wonder if all my fellow artists feel that way? If they feel alive and "be" only when they are working? I don't know. Is it?


  1. I agree with the money not being as important as the satisfaction of someone liking your work. But I don't have as much a driving need to produce. I am equally passionate about my Yoga practice and Cooking/baking.
    Or it could be that I need to be as passionate as you are to be able to be an Artist.

  2. Joyita, we are all different and have different outlet to express ourselves! You do it through different things..... You are an artist, who also has other outlets! I am an artist who chooses to have all my emotions expressed through art and writing! But mostly through Art! That does not make you any more or less artist..... Just a different one!